Regret
As Clara finished reading the letter from Cindy, a wave of sadness and guilt washed over her. She couldn't believe what she had just read. The letter fell from her hand onto the bed, her heart racing. Tears rolled down her cheeks. "What have I done...? How could I...?" she whispered to herself, struggling to keep it together.
The horrifying sight of Cindy's death flashed before her eyes. Cindy's screams of pain echoed in her head. Someone who genuinely cared for her had been killed right in front of her, without any proof of being guilty.
She hadn't stopped it. She hadn't even protested. If anything, she was almost involved. Instead of stopping Karina, she just stood there, looking at Cindy with the same hatred Karina had, thinking Cindy was the one who betrayed her. "Had I lost my mind? Why did I..."
She had also just learnt that a Heed was living inside her. She didn't know how to feel about it. Her mind went back to the day she'd gone to Marcus's house. She remembered how people could possess other human beings using Heeds.
She knew this wasn't right. She knew that countless others were victims of Heedism just like her. Why wasn't anyone protesting against Marcus? Why didn't anyone report him to the police? Was he really that powerful? Why didn't the government care? Why was it a crime to even say Heeds existed, after everything?
Even though her mind was full of worries about herself and so many questions, what bothered her the most was how she had let Aunt Karina kill Cindy right in front of her. Suddenly, she heard Daniel's voice.
"Hey, there are no mangoes left but-" he paused, seeing the letter on the bed. He quickly checked his pocket and panicked when he couldn't find it. 'No..' he thought. "Clara! Is that the letter? Did you read it!? I said it was personal!"
Clara picked up the letter and stepped towards him. "Daniel, how could you keep this from me!? I can't believe this-" she wiped her tears, "Daniel, how will I be able to forgive myself? Ever?"
Daniel stayed silent, standing there, just listening to Clara, trying to figure out what to say. Then, he sighed. What had happened, had happened. There was no going back. Clara had already read the letter.
"Clara, I'm really sorry you had to find out like this. I know it's hard to accept- I mean, it was hard even for me. But this was her last letter. I couldn't just... ignore what she wrote. She didn't want me to tell you, Clara. You know that..."
"So you decided to just... not tell me? If I hadn't found this letter, I would've gone my entire life thinking Cindy was the problem. Daniel, not only was she innocent but... she saved my life. And I..." her voice was low, filled with regret, "I played a part in taking hers... That day, hearing Aunt Karina's words, I thought Cindy had been trying to hurt me with her bitter drinks and all that. I misunderstood her. But she... literally fought against another Heed to save me. If it weren't for her, I might've even... died. Oh God..."
Daniel realized how frustrating this was for Clara. He looked down, sighing, "I know... We all misunderstood her. But you're not the one who killed her, Clara. Please... don't blame yourself." "But I could've stopped Aunt Karina. I could've at least talked to her. Damn it... this... sucks." She sat down, her eyes filling with tears again.
She looked at Daniel. "And what were you even doing? How were you planning to 'save' me like Cindy told you to?" "I... honestly don't know. I was going to figure it out, I guess."
"Damn it, Daniel. Are you an idiot? Of course Cindy would tell you to keep it a secret! That doesn't mean you could actually fix it on your own, hiding everything from me."
"Then what was I supposed to do, Clara? It was pretty much her last wish. I couldn't just... ignore that," replied Daniel, in a low voice, "But you're right... I really didn’t know what to do. I thought I would somehow figure it out, but..."
Clara sighed, trying to calm down. 'If only there was a way to bring Cindy back...' she thought. Daniel brought her a glass of water. "Take this, Clara. We have to calm down first and then think about it." Clara nodded and took a sip.
After a few moments of silence, Daniel asked, "So... are you going to tell Aunt Tina?" "Tell my mom?" she paused for a second, but continued, "I can't... I can't burden her with this knowledge. She's going to freak out, especially if she learns about the Heed inside me..."
"See? Who's the idiot now?" Daniel replied, with a faint smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes. "This is why I didn't tell anyone- even you. Blame me for keeping it a secret all you want, but you know you'd do the same."
Clara couldn’t help but smile slightly, despite the heaviness of the situation. "Okay, okay. You win. But we can't let anyone else know right now, okay?" "Are you sure? I mean, what are we going to do? Maybe adults could help us..."
Clara replied, her tone mocking, "How exactly are they going to help? My mother would completely lose her mind, and my father would spend all his time calming her down. He'd be worried too. Aunt Karina would probably come up with some twisted remedy- like how she killed Cindy with no proof- while Uncle James just stands there supporting her. Oh wait, she wouldn’t even believe what Cindy wrote in the letter."
Daniel listened to Clara's assumptions, and chuckled at how accurate she was. "Tell me I'm wrong," she added, smiling. "You're not," Daniel said, his tone turning serious again, "Besides, I think they might stop you from going outside or limit your freedom, thinking they're protecting you. They might even try some stupid remedies. Based on their personalities, I'm guessing they'll cause more obstacles than actually help, though I'm not entirely sure."
"That's true... And you know how sensitive my mother is... She'll never be able to handle this news," Clara sighed, "But in a way, I'm glad I read this letter, because it explains why I've been feeling so... useless lately." "What!?" Daniel exclaimed, instantly defensive, "You're not useless, Clara! What are you even talking about?"
"Come on, Daniel. Look at my grades... And it's not just that. I can't bring myself to do anything I used to enjoy. I haven’t been helping out at home. I do things without even knowing why. I end up doing the exact opposite of what I want. Sometimes... I can't even get up from bed, due to an unnatural heaviness..."
Daniel was quiet for a moment, then said softly, "Well... you did tell me that before. But it's not your fault, Clara. Not even a little. It's because of the Heed." He paused, his voice more certain now, "And honestly... I never needed that letter to believe in you. I already did. You may have lost faith in yourself, but I didn't. Not even once."
Hearing Daniel's words, a flicker of warmth spread through her chest, gentle and unexpected. He always had a way of making her burdens feel lighter, even if nothing had really changed.
For a moment, everything didn't feel so suffocating. She looked at him longer than she meant to. Then with a soft laugh, she said, "Are you trying to make me fall for you or something?"
Daniel froze, caught completely off guard by her comment. He thought to himself: "Who says things like that so casually!? What's wrong with her? And something's wrong with me too, because WHY AM I GETTING NERVOUS OUT OF NOWHERE?"
"Shut up," he said finally, trying to hide his flustered state. Clara chuckled. "You're funny when you're embarrassed for no reason." Without pushing further, she said with a smile, "No, seriously... thank you. You somehow always make me feel better."
Daniel smiled back, trying to play it cool. But his heart was still beating a little too fast, his thoughts racing: "Fall for you"? Well, she was just joking. Obviously. What else could it be? You're being weird, Daniel. Stop thinking about it.
"You know," Clara said quietly, "You make it seem so easy to believe in myself. But not everyone's like you... My own mother keeps calling me lazy. Everyone's disappointed. And I can't help but believe them- because at the end of the day, it still feels like everything I do is my own choice. I'm the one destroying myself, I don't even know why."
Daniel became serious again, his voice steady, "Well, now you know those weren't your own choices. Please... stop blaming yourself." "Yeah... At least reading the letter made me realize it wasn't entirely my fault," she sighed, "Daniel, even if it looks like I'm just being idle, honestly... I'm rotting from the inside. I don't know who I am anymore, or what parts of me are even real." She added, her voice soft and uncertain, "Also... I'm scared. Right now, it's just grades and chores. But what if it gets worse, Daniel?"
Daniel looked at Clara, seeing the raw pain and despair in her eyes. It broke something in him. For a moment, he just sat there, wishing he could do more. He just wanted to hug her, to make her feel good enough, and to see her genuinely happy again.
But it wasn't possible to fix this mess so easily. He hated that he couldn't. And somehow, it mattered more than it should have. Because it was her. Because it was Clara.
And then- a certain thought occurred to him. A question they needed to find the answer to. "Clara, why would there be a Heed inside you? Did someone... set it up? You remember the conversation we heard at Marcus's house, right?"
"Yeah, I do. But who would possess me? Why would anyone do that?" "I mean... some people don't even need a reason to hate someone and treat them like an enemy." "That's true," she replied, "Well, first of all, I need to learn more about the Heed Possession Act Marcus was talking about. Maybe I'll figure out a remedy once I understand it better."
Suddenly, Daniel remembered something. "Wait- Clara, do you remember how Marcus found out we were spying on him? And how we ran away right after?" "Yeah?" "Could it be that he's the one who cursed you, as a punishment?"
Clara's eyes widened. It wasn't impossible. After all, she did take a lot of risk just to learn about Heeds. "I hope not. But that would mean he cursed you too right? We went there together. Are you having any unusual symptoms too?"
"Uhm," Daniel paused, thinking for a second. "Not really." "Then it's probably not his curse. I don't know," Clara said, her voice uncertain. "Clara," Daniel said, steady and certain, "I promise you. We're in this together. We'll find a way out of this."
His words comforted her deeply, more than she could explain. However, she replied, "No, Daniel. I'll find a way out of this. On my own. I can't drag you into danger with me." "Wait, what are you-" "I said what I said," said Clara, cutting him off.
"Why are you even willing to take that risk, Daniel? There's a literal Heed living in my body. I can't even control simple things like studying or helping out at home. What if I end up hurting you? And if we want to learn more about Heedism, we probably have to go back to Marcus's house, or somewhere even riskier. I can't let you go through all that, just for me..."
Daniel listened quietly. And finally, he said, "I don't care, Clara... I just... I can't lose you. And I don't want to see you suffer alone." Clara heard him. But how could she involve him in this, when she didn't even trust herself anymore?
"Why..?" she asked, not knowing what else to say. "What kind of question is that!?" Daniel replied, crossing his arms. "Daniel... You don't feel like you owe it to me, do you...? Do you feel obligated to help me? Like, because of Cindy's letter?"
"What!? No-" Clara knew she was being ridiculous. But she couldn’t stop. "You have nothing to prove, Daniel. Protecting yourself doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad friend. We'd still be cool. I don't expect anyone to jump into danger for me."
Daniel looked at her in disbelief. "Did you hit your head or something, Clara? I'll help you because I want to. Not because of Cindy. Not because of a letter. Not because it'd be 'wrong' not to." Clara sighed. Arguing with him felt pointless.
"Okay, and why do you want to help me?" Daniel rubbed his forehead, letting out a frustrated breath. "She just never stops driving me crazy," he muttered under his breath. "What's wrong with you? Why can't you just..." he sighed again.
"You already know why, Clara. I lost the only person I ever trusted and saw as my sister, Cindy. I don't even know where my real family is. And honestly... you're pretty much the only real friend I have. Why would I risk losing you too?"
"Come on, Daniel. You're not going to lose me! Besides, everyone in this family loves you. You have them." "Oh, really?" Daniel replied, raising an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe not Aunt Karina, or even Uncle James," Clara admitted, "But everyone else cares about you. You know that." Then, trying to sound casual, she added, "And if you're that desperate, you can always be friends with Crystal or something."
Daniel's heart ached- not because of what she said, but because of the way she kept pushing him away, like none of this mattered. He really wanted to help her, but she kept asking to be left alone.
Clara suddenly felt her eyes tearing up. Not knowing how to stop it or what to say, she whispered, "Excuse me," and left the room, overwhelmed. Daniel stood there, thinking about what she had said. "Crystal's not you," Daniel murmured under his breath, "None of them are."
Heed Possession
Clara ran to her room, shutting the door behind her as tears began to fall freely. "What am I supposed to do? I'm not just a threat to myself anymore... but to everyone around me. I'm pushing away anyone who's trying to help but... what can I even do alone? And what if Daniel needs me too? It's not like everything's been easy for him either. But I'm telling him to stay away, so I wouldn't even know... Bad student, bad daughter, bad friend... what else is there left for me to become?"
She dropped to the floor, her voice breaking, "And I couldn't protect Cindy... That wasn't even the Heed's doing. I'm losing my ability to even live normally, and I'm a disappointment to everyone... Why... Why did everything have to turn out this way?"
A few moments later, she let out a dry, humorless laugh. "At least this means Daniel didn't actually write anyone a love letter," she muttered, almost sarcastically, as if trying to find a single thing that felt like a win.
Then, as if catching herself, she rubbed her forehead. "Wait- why would I even care about that?" she whispered to herself, denying the fact that she was, indeed, a little jealous- after hearing that lie the other day.
"Clara, where are you?" Clara's mom shouted from the kitchen. "Yes, mom," she replied. But for some reason, she couldn't move.
It felt like someone was holding her down, like it would take as much strength as fighting a war just to stand. It was strange- it felt like she could move if she really tried, but at the same time, she just… couldn’t.
More than that, she didn’t want to. She wanted to stay right where she was, to just sit in silence for a while. It didn’t feel like a normal thought. It felt like she wouldn’t get up even if someone held a gun to her head. Her whole body felt stuck to the floor.
"I can’t do this... I just want to sit here and cry... But my mother is waiting. Come on, Clara. Get up." But she couldn’t. Or rather, she didn’t. It was like something was stopping her from even trying, and she didn’t understand why.
Then she heard it- a voice in her mind, whispering: It’s not worth it. You won’t be able to get up even if you try. And even if you do, what’s the point? You’re still going to be the useless daughter. Why fight your body for something that doesn’t matter? I know you want to keep sitting here. I know you don’t want to move. So stay. Stay, because you’re lazy. Because you’re incapable. That’s who you are. No one understands you anyway. Why even bother?
Clara squeezed her eyes shut, her fingers gripping her hair. "Stop… stop it… please…" she whispered, her voice cracked and barely audible. "Am I saying this to myself? But why would I do that…? Who- who are you? Why are you doing this to me? I thought you were a part of me… I always blamed myself… but I was never this irresponsible. I know this is you. I know you’re the Heed. I know you’re the one holding me back. Please… go away… leave me alone…"
Her head started to hurt. The pressure in her mind was too much. She placed a hand on her forehead. "And why am I even listening to you?" She whispered, "Clara, come on… get up… why can’t I just-"
After a while, her mother knocked on the door, loud and urgent. Suddenly, it was all gone. The whispers. The heaviness. The inability to move. None of it was there anymore. Clara stood up easily.
"Wait, it's not impossible... Was that all just in my head? Was I just... lazy? Did I do that for no reason at all? If I had tried hard enough, would it still have felt impossible? I... I was conscious. I was fully aware the whole time... Then why did I..."
It wasn't the first time this had happened. It happened whenever she tried to study, or commit to anything, or simply do what needed to be done. A kind of 'impossible' she couldn't explain or prove, even to herself. It was suffocating. Was everything truly her fault?
"CLARA!? What are you doing in there!? OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW." Clara wiped her face and opened the door. "I've been calling you for five minutes. Can't you hear me!?" "Y-yes, mom."
"Then!? You decided to just ignore me on purpose?" "I..." "What were you doing?" Clara couldn’t explain herself. What would she explain when she didn't even understand what was going on?
"Clara, I'm trying my best to be nice to you and make sure you don't have to do much. I really am. But what about the bare minimum, Clara? What about actually trying to study, or at least listening to me when I call you for something? You're making it harder and harder for me with each passing day." "I'm sorry," Clara said, looking down.
"Clara... what's wrong? At least tell me what's bothering you. How else would I help you?" "It's nothing, mom..." "Are you sick? Is someone bullying you? Or are you still sad about Cindy?" Clara kept quiet, thinking to herself, 'If only I could tell you, mom...'
"Listen, Clara. The world goes on. I don't know what's the matter with you. But you have to either talk to someone and fix it, or forget about it and move on. You can't just abandon all your duties, Clara." Clara listened quietly, knowing her mom had a point. Crying about it and sitting around wouldn’t change anything.
Tina continued, "Anyways, the reason I called you... I've prepared lunch, and I'll serve it to your dad. Meanwhile, can you make a glass of juice for him? His doctor said it's good for his health, but I'm really busy right now." Clara nodded, "Okay, mom." She went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, along with the ingredients.
A while later, Tina called her loudly, "You're not done yet? It's been ten minutes, Clara." Suddenly, Clara's eyes suddenly widened, as if she had zoned out for a while and her mother's voice snapped her back to reality. She looked down at her hand. She was holding the glass of juice.
"It's been... ten minutes? What was I doing? Why can't I remember anything? I don't even know what I've been thinking about for the past few minutes... Am I... Am I having memory issues? Is it because of the Heed?"
"Clara, your dad is waiting!" "I'm coming," she replied. She immediately went to the dining room with the glass of juice, not thinking much as she was in a hurry. When she handed it to John, he said, "Thanks, dear," and took a sip. "You're welcome, dad."
When he was done, Clara spoke, "By the way... Dad, I'm sorry. I couldn’t do as well as last year... My grades dropped." "That's not a problem, dear. Try harder next time, and you'll be fine," he replied with a smile. Clara smiled back. "You keep spoiling her," said Tina, clearly annoyed, "Stop acting like it's not a big deal."
"Come on, Tina. I know she cares about it more than we do. Leave it to her, okay?" "Well then, I hope so too. But if she doesn’t improve even after this, you must do something about it," Tina replied, heading back to her work.
Suddenly, Aunt Karina opened the door and entered the house. "Karina? Where were you?" John asked. "I was at a friend's house," she replied, "She lives in this neighborhood." "Oh. I mean... you didn't tell us before leaving."
"Well, I told James. You could've asked him," Karina said, then added sarcastically, "Why? Do I have to make an announcement every time I leave the house?"
"That's not what I meant, you know. We usually eat together, so I was just asking," John replied, his tone calm. Without pushing further, Karina took a seat at the dining table.
After lunch, Daniel sat in his room, thinking about everything that had happened so far. He let out a tired sigh. "Not questioning anything... accepting everything... just going with the flow... Look where it got me..." He sat on his bed, remembering that horrifying day. The day of Cindy's death. The day that turned his entire world upside down.
"Cindy... I'm so sorry... for not protecting you," he muttered, hoping somehow she could hear him, even though he knew it was impossible. "Even if it was fake... I really thought of you as a sister. I still do. All you ever did for me was good, even though you lied. Damn it... I was just standing there, in a corner, when it happened. Clara's guilt... it's so relatable in a way..."
He sighed again, his thoughts racing. "And I don't even know what Clara's going through right now. I know she's suffering, but I can't deny that she often confuses me. She's so frustrated, and I'm trying my best to help her but... I can't even do anything. And worse, she doesn’t even want my help because it's 'risky'.
All I've ever done is accept things, let them happen, sit back, and ignore all my doubts. If I had been a little different and paid more attention, maybe I could've figured out Cindy's real intentions. Clara always said it didn’t make sense to ignore something just because there’s no clear answer. I didn’t think much of it at the time but... she was right."
His mind went back to all the chances he'd missed. All the questions he'd avoided. All the thoughts he'd pushed away. Clara's genuine curiosity, the way she wanted to know everything- he had always admired that about her, but he never had it in himself.
Maybe avoiding things just to 'protect your peace' was an illusion. Maybe it was truly important to confirm if certain doubts were real. He had never once genuinely doubted Cindy, but only because he refused to. Because he was... somewhat afraid of the truth.
And most importantly, he didn't want to lose what he already had. It was almost like he didn't care if this new family was truly good or not. He just thought he should be grateful for being allowed to stay with them. It didn't matter if Cindy was really his sister or not. What mattered was having someone close to him. Or so he thought.
But everything that had happened since Cindy died had forced him to realize things he should've realized long ago. He whispered to himself, trying to figure out what to do.
"I was fine with how things were, so I never bothered to look for answers. I didn’t even know who I really was, so I didn’t expect much from life. But maybe… ignoring problems just because you’re okay with how things are… only makes things worse in the long run.
I didn’t know what I should’ve done. I thought doubting those who gave me a new life would be disrespectful. But maybe… searching for answers doesn't always mean making huge changes or causing trouble. Clara never let her curiosity get in the way of her life, aside from a few moments when she took a chance. Maybe I can accept life as it is but still try to learn the truth...
Like loving this family, but also trying to understand them better. Like treating Cindy as a sister, but analyzing the signs, having real conversations with her and trying to see what’s really in her heart. If I could show her I’m trustworthy, maybe she’d open up... Or maybe I’m just imagining things.
Either way… I thought I was doing the right thing by staying quiet, by not causing problems. But maybe… sometimes, you just have to act. And maybe... if I had, I might've been able to save Cindy."
He leaned forward, eyes fixed on the floor, and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He remembered how much it hurt when Cindy was actually gone. He remembered how powerless he had felt. He knew he couldn't continue to live like this. He had to change.
"Stop it... You're doing exactly what you told Clara not to do, and you're not even possessed. Drowning in guilt won’t change anything... Clara's already vulnerable, and she has her reasons. But someone has to be the sane one. Get it together, Daniel."
He sat in silence, then slowly straightened his back. The weight in his chest didn't disappear, but it stopped being an excuse. For the first time in a long while, he felt something burn inside him- the need to act.
He didn't want to avoid questions anymore. He wanted to learn all the things he hadn't cared about before. He wanted to know where his parents were. He wanted to know who he truly was, and who his family really was. He wanted to know who the Heedist was that wanted to ruin Clara's life. He wanted to know who the real enemy was. He wanted to know if there was any way to bring Cindy back.
"I... I can't keep quiet and sit around useless anymore. If someone had practiced Heedism against Clara, it means the entire family is in danger, one way or another. I can't lose the only close ones I have left... I have to try, however I can. I thought staying quiet and out of trouble was the safest path. But if that means doing nothing while everything falls apart... then I don’t want that kind of life."
He didn't know how to fix any of it. But he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn’t stand watching Clara slowly fall apart while he did nothing. Would he still feel this way if it were anyone else? He doubted it, but set the thought aside for now.
What could Clara possibly do if she wasn't even in control of herself? She might've said she didn’t want help, but that wasn't true. He could see it in her eyes.
Then, he stood up. If he wanted to change something, he had to act, whenever he got the chance. "I don't know much about Heedism... or what's really going on with Clara. But I do know where to go, in order to learn more. I have to take a chance... even if it's not guaranteed to help."
A few moments later, while the rest of the house was quiet, Daniel rushed into Clara's room. "Let's go," he whispered. Clara stood up in surprise. "Huh?" she asked, visibly confused.
"Everyone's resting in their rooms. This is the perfect chance. Come with me." "What are you even saying, Daniel? Where!?" "To figure something out, dummy. I told you- we're in this together." "But I already said-"
"Shut up, Clara. You're clearly not in the right mind." "Okay, and that's exactly why I want you to stay away from me. I mean, are you even sure it's ME you're talking to? What if it's the Heed?"
Daniel crossed his arms. "You're impossible, Clara." She sighed. "Go away, Daniel..." "Hmm? And what solution have you come up with?" "That's-" Clara couldn't answer. "Knew it. None, right? Well, consider this payback for the other day." "What day?" "You'll see," Daniel replied, grabbing her hand and leading her outside the house.
"I'm going to Marcus's house." "Are you serious!? That's dangerous! You don't have to-" Daniel cut her off, "Did you listen to me when I told you the same thing that day?" "That's different! You were never interested in Heeds or their mystery."
"That's not what it is anymore, Clara. We both know we have a bigger problem than that. And the only source of information we have is his house." "It's my problem, Daniel. Not yours," Clara said, her voice low.
"Well, stop me if you can," he said with a smirk, and took off running, just like Clara had, the other day. "You little-" Clara had no choice but to run after him. "Stop, Daniel! I swear-" "Sorry, can't hear you," he shouted without turning, his tone sarcastic. He was just giving Clara a taste of her own medicine, and enjoying every second of it.
At Marcus's House Again
Finally, they stopped in front of his house. "I hate you," said Clara, running out of breath. However, there was no denying that she secretly loved how Daniel refused to leave her alone and stood by her side.
Daniel chuckled. "Good, now let's see what's going on here." They tried to peek through the window. "Look, there's a man sitting there, but it's not Marcus." "Who could he be? And where's Marcus then?"
Suddenly, they heard footsteps. "Wait, that's Marcus! Hide!" They moved behind a tree, waiting for Marcus to enter the house. Then, quietly, they returned to the window, making sure Marcus couldn't see them.
"Sir, good morning," the man greeted Marcus. Marcus nodded, sitting down in front of him. "How long have you been waiting?" "About an hour, sir. How did your visit to the king go?" "Hmm... It went well. King Jacob always asks me for this and that, but the gold coins make up for it."
Daniel spoke to Clara, his voice barely audible, "He's meeting the king!?" "I know right!? Didn't the government ban the topic of Heeds or something? Marcus is literally the 'King of Heeds'. I wonder what he has to do with the government..."
"So, what's your name, tough guy?" Marcus asked in his usual mocking tone. "Kyle," the man replied. "Hmm... So, Kyle, tell me what brings you here today."
"Sir, this is my rival," Kyle said, showing him a picture of another man, "My life is turning into hell because of him. He's always competing with me. Soon, he'll become better than me. I can't let that happen. I want you to disable him however you can, sir."
Marcus smirked. "So, destroy him however I can, huh? You're no saint. I like it." "Sir... I hate him more than anyone else. I want you to paralyze him. Please... make sure he can't even walk."
"Silly boy... Do you know what to target if you want to completely break someone?" "What, sir?" the man asked curiously. "Their self-confidence," Marcus replied coldly, "If your enemy is disabled, he'll go to a doctor. The people around him will surround him with love and support, taking him seriously."
"But being on bed rest as a sick incapable person... isn't that terrible already?" "Yes, it is. But eventually, he'll find other ways to adapt. He'll feel bad thinking he's just unlucky, but guess what? He'll be free of... guilt. He won't have to face questions he can't answer. People will sympathize with him and care for him. Everyone will blame luck, not him."
"What's your point, sir?" "My point is... why hurt someone physically when breaking them mentally is far more effective? Instead of paralyzing him and making things completely out of his control... what if I made it extremely hard for him to do anything? If I make him think he has control... he'll blame himself for everything. He won't be able to do anything he used to be good at anymore, and he won't figure out why."
"How does that work, sir?" "One minute he'll feel stuck, the next minute he'll feel okay. His mind will become his biggest enemy, and his body won’t listen to him. He won't know which thoughts are his own and which aren't. The Heed will affect him like this, but move away once or twice just to confuse him and make him think he's in control. While making it really hard for him to act, the Heed will manipulate him into believing he's the one choosing this. He'll be torn apart, not knowing who he is anymore."
"But won’t he realize that this is unusual and not his fault?" "No, my Heed will make sure to keep him overwhelmed with self-hate, despair and confusion. He won't be able to think logically. When someone asks him why couldn’t do this or that, he won't have an answer. People will call him lazy, worthless and ungrateful. And even if someone does understand him, he will feel guilty, thinking he doesn't deserve it."
"Really, sir?" "Yes, Kyle. If you want to truly break someone, give them problems they can't explain to anyone, not even themselves. Because if you can't even understand yourself, who else will?" Kyle listened, both scared and impressed.
"Listen, Kyle. Any problem can be dealt with if you're sure of yourself. But if YOU are the problem, who else can you blame?" "So, to my enemy, nothing will feel right but he won't figure out what's wrong either?"
"Exactly. Even if he does get an idea about Heedism, he'll still blame himself, thinking he could've fought back. And how will he find a remedy if he can't even identify the problem properly? Everything will look fine from the outside but... he'll end up becoming a victim of... himself," Marcus said, a cruel smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Sir... will my rival truly lose himself if I practice this Heedism?" "Just try it. You'll see for yourself." "Then please... teach me how to do it."
As Clara listened to the entire conversation, she swallowed hard. She couldn’t believe how accurate and similar Marcus's description was to her situation. It felt like someone had just described problems she never found the words for. She didn't know whether to feel relieved that nothing was her fault, or terrified that people like Marcus existed- who could ruin lives so easily.
Daniel looked at her, studying her face. She looked genuinely shocked. "Clara." "Yeah?" "Is that how you felt?" Daniel asked, his voice filled with concern for her, silently hoping she would say no.
"Yes," Clara replied, her voice barely above a whisper, "This describes exactly what's been happening to me..." Daniel's eyes widened. He knew Clara was in danger, but he never knew how she truly felt. His gaze softened as he looked at Clara, thinking about how hard it must have been for her.
Marcus's cruel description triggered a silent rage in Daniel, especially after realizing he might've had something to do with Clara. "That man..." he whispered to himself, clenching his fists.
"Sir," Kyle asked, "May I ask, what else can you do?" "Hmm... I've done quite a lot of things for my customers. I've separated married couples, broken friendships and families, silenced people, messed with their brains, blocked marriages by making Heeds fall in love with them, and of course, caused mental suffering, just like I described. Where do I even start? There are people who ended up in a wheelchair because of me. A man even took his own life- mostly because of my Heed's tortures, I think."
Marcus's words made Clara restless, her fists tightening. She whispered to Daniel, "I'm literally fighting the urge to go and kick him in the face." "I know! Me too, but we have to be patient for now."
Purple Hair-clip
Suddenly, Clara's eyes fell on something on the floor, right beside Marcus's house. A purple hair clip. It seemed like just a clip, nothing serious. But for some reason, it looked very familiar.
The color combination, the design- it looked like those hair clips sold only at the small shop near her house, where an old man handcrafted every accessory. He rarely made the same design twice. Maybe Clara was just overthinking it.
She took a closer look at it, and finally picked it up. "What's that, Clara?" Daniel asked, clearly confused. "This looks exactly like that one..." Clara whispered, "When I got my first salary, I bought it as a gift for...."
Suddenly, they heard a voice. "Clara! Daniel!" They turned around and saw Crystal standing there. She looked restless and worried. Clara and Daniel rushed towards her. "Crystal, why are you here!?" "You're asking ME that? What are you two doing here!?"
Clara and Daniel shared a glance. "It's complicated," Clara replied, "Please tell us why you're here." "I've asked everyone for the direction you guys went, and thank God I found you. But this is literally a dangerous place, or so I've heard. What are you doing here!?"
Daniel answered, "We'll explain it later, please tell us what happened." "Come with me. Something bad happened..." Crystal said, looking down. Clara swallowed hard. "Is everything okay?"
"Clara... Uncle John... He's..." "My dad...? BE SPECIFIC, CRYSTAL! What happened to him?" Clara's heart pounded in her chest. All her worries about her future, Heedism, and all that stuff seemed to fade away. All she hoped for at that moment... was for her dad to be okay.
"You'll see. Let's go home first." "Crystal- He's okay right?" Crystal didn't say another word. She grabbed Clara's hand and headed towards their home, while Daniel followed them.
Meanwhile, inside the room, Kyle asked Marcus, "Sir, I had another question, if you don't mind..." "Go on." Kyle cleared his throat. "Sir, if you're so powerful... why don't you just take over the country? I mean... you sound like you can manipulate people in so many twisted ways. You even meet the king often. May I ask, what kind of favors does he ask of you?"
Marcus laughed slightly. "Take over the country? If I wanted to, I would've done it long ago. Why would I want to be stuck in a palace all day, carrying out all those stupid responsibilities and being under constant pressure? And if I leave this house, who'll look after my Heeds? I love my job. Secretly ruining people's lives, hearing life stories and crazy requests from customers like you- it's not bad at all. And humans are annoying and complicated. Ruling Heeds who are bound to my will- that's way more fun. Being the King of Heeds is definitely better than being the king of this stupid country. And honestly..." Marcus smirked, his voice barely above a whisper now, "King Jacob wouldn't be in his position if it weren't for me."
Kyle's eyes widened. What did Marcus mean? What did he have to do with the king? "How, sir? How did you help King Jacob?" "It's a long story, I don't want to explain all that now." Kyle didn't push further. A man like Marcus could even turn against his own customer if he felt like it. It was best not to trigger him. But he wouldn't mind another question, would he?
"Uhm, sir... That's fine, but can I ask another question? This is what you do for a living, right? Why do you love your job so much?" "Well... I love it when people like you come to me helplessly, and praise me like I'm the greatest. I love how people fear me, but most importantly... I love making others suffer using my power."
"You... enjoy ruining lives?" Marcus laughed. "It's customers like you who ask for it, isn't it?" "Uh- Y-Yeah... That's true..." Kyle swallowed hard. 'I did come to the right place...' he thought to himself.
"Sir... Have you ever... gotten mad at any of your customers?" Kyle asked, trying to understand how Marcus treated customers who messed up. "Hmm... They usually fear me and don't dare mess with me, but there's one woman who kept getting on my nerves."
"Really, sir? What did she do?" "She dared to say that my Heedism didn't work properly on her enemy. Six years. She complained about it for six years." "Didn't work properly...?" "That's what she said, but I knew my Heedism can never fail. I told her to wait. Eventually, she became satisfied with the results. Her enemy is having a hard time now." "But sir... why didn't it work for six years?"
Marcus gave him a glare. "Are you doubting my power?" "N-no!" Kyle said, his voice a little shaky, "My friend told me how good you were and how successful your Heedism was. I believed in him, and that's why I'm here, sir. Please don't misunderstand me."
"Well then, you'll get your expected results too. Just wait and watch what happens to your rival." Kyle nodded. "Also, sir... you seem to share quite a lot of information with your customers. Isn't that... I mean..."
"What? Problematic? You think I'd fear customers like you? I like answering your questions, it's as simple as that." Kyle didn't want Marcus to get mad, but couldn't help his curiosity either. After all, Marcus did answer some of his previous questions without snapping. "I mean, what if someone snitches on you, sir?"
"What are they going to do? Tell the police? I already told you, I could've even been the king if I wanted to. Why would I worry about anyone when I have literal invisible bodyguards protecting me?" "Invisible... bodyguards?"
"Yes, my Heeds are always guarding me. In fact, no one can enter my house unless I allow them, or my Heeds recognize them as my customer, even when I'm not here. If anyone else tries to do so, they'll be struck by my Heeds and faint before even setting foot inside."
Kyle looked at the door, swallowing hard. "So... if I wasn't your customer..." "Exactly," Marcus replied with a smirk, enjoying the fear in his eyes. "Uhm- sir- this was lovely. Can I leave now?" Marcus couldn't help but laugh.
"Lovely, huh? Relax, I'm not going to kill you or anything. Anyways, Kyle, take this sweet dish. Make sure to feed it to your rival as soon as possible." "I will, sir. Thank you so much."
Sleeping Heed
After Kyle left, Marcus sat on his bed, a rare look of worry on his face. "I didn't even tell you how that customer actually messed with my head," he muttered to himself, "Not only did she doubt my power, but she gave me new things to worry about. She... she said something else was fighting my Heed, and then claimed another Heed was out there- FREE OF MY CONTROL. That couldn't possibly be true..."
He paused, rubbing his forehead. "At first, I didn't think it was important. I thought she was just lying, trying to challenge me, or maybe she was just impatient. I had nothing to worry about, until she claimed to have 'killed' the other Heed- and a new Heed ACTUALLY appeared in my house. How... How's that possible? Every single Heed was supposed to be already under my custody. That's what dad always said."
He stood up and started walking around the room, his thoughts racing. "All the Heeds 'killed' using Heed Experts' methods always came back here, to this house. But that was a hundred years ago. Since dad took control of the Heeds, none of them was supposed to be free. Then where did that new Heed come from? Maybe that woman was lying, but the number of sleeping Heeds here actually increased. I saw the proof with my own eyes..."
He sighed. "I have to be more careful now. I can't just tell everyone everything, or live carelessly. That Heed couldn't do anything to me and is under my control now, but what if... what if there are more special ones like her? What if they're dangerous? What if... I actually have threats?"
Marcus had always believed he was above such problems- no one could lay a finger on him. But ever since the woman had hit him with that information, his peace was gone. He'd tried to ignore it for the past few days, but Kyle's questions had worked him up again.
Suddenly, he remembered something. "Wait- My dad said I could wake these sleeping Heeds up if I wanted to. But what would that even do? That special Heed lost her power when she lost consciousness. What if she regains it?" He sighed again.
"No, I can't do anything reckless. Things are still under control. I can't mess it up. Maybe I should contact the other Heeds again." He stood before the door to his other room, and slowly opened it. It appeared to be a large, empty space. But was it really empty?
Then, closing his eyes, he uttered, "My Heeds- Jack and Sam, show yourselves to me! I want to see you directly as I speak to you." When he opened his eyes, two human-like figures stood before him. Turning to the first one, Marcus said, "Hmm. Jack, have you figured out who the new sleeping Heed is?" Jack, the Heed, shook his head. "No, master. I haven't. I'm really sorry, please give me more time."
"And Sam," Marcus continued, "I asked you to look for other Heeds like her. Did you find any?" Sam, the other Heed, looked down. "I didn't find anyone like her, master." Marcus clenched his fists.
"You said that earlier too, and then this new Heed just appeared out of nowhere. Who knows how many other ones are hiding? I don't trust EITHER ONE OF YOU. Do your job properly, or you'll end up like those Heeds who are sleeping forever. I've always valued you two, as you're the oldest conscious Heeds here and worked for me the longest. Otherwise, I would've bound you to some sweet food and sent you off to one of my customers' enemies. I've given you more than enough freedom for a slave. But if you take it for granted, I might snap. Got it?"
The two Heeds shared a glance, then nodded. "Yes, master, we'll do something soon. Please don't punish us." "Good," Marcus replied coldly, "Now return to your invisible forms." Without another word, Marcus left that room, closing the door behind him.
"Jack, I can't play along with your stupid lie anymore," said Sam, his tone firm. "What do you mean, Sam?" "Come on, Jack. It's a privilege that our master allows us to even speak to each other. Look at the other Heeds. They don't even know what they're doing, always listening to master and working like a robot, with no ability to even think on their own... Most of their situations are worse than ours. We have these facilities ONLY because we've been loyal to him and his father for a hundred years. Can you imagine what'll happen if he finds out we've been lying to him?"
"But Sam, she's such an old friend of ours. If we let Marcus know everything about her, he might wake her up and torture her. She'd hid herself from him all these years, refusing to accept him as her master. He won't let someone like that go unpunished. Right now, he's unsure of the consequences- he's afraid she might be dangerous. But what if he somehow figures out how to deal with her? That might happen if we give him more information."
"So!? Who cares about her?" "Sam, have you forgotten? She was there for us through thick and thin. You, me, her, Mina, Ruby- we've made so many memories together. Judging older Heeds for their stupid decisions, stalking random humans, wandering aimlessly, laughing together, helping each other, our promises to always be there for each other- have you forgotten everything?"
"Oh, Jack, I'm not forgetting anything. You are. Have you forgotten how that cowardly Heed left us all in danger and fled? You still call her our friend? She's the one who broke the promise of always being there, just because she was born with a special power to 'hide herself'. We've been rotting in our master's house, working non-stop for him, while she's been living freely. She got what she deserved."
"Sam- please. You know you'd do the same. She wouldn't be doing anyone a favor by submitting to Marcus. It wouldn't help any of us. But we can help her. The least we could do is keep quiet about her. If he finds out that 'hiding' was all she could do, he won't be afraid of her anymore. Why should we let her suffer for no reason?"
"No reason!? Jack, he's going to ask us again and again. What if he finds out we've been hiding something from him? Do you have any idea what he could do? Why should we risk our lives for someone who's not even conscious anymore?"
"But-" "Oh, I see what this is about. You still have feelings for that selfish Heed, don't you? What are you expecting, Jack? That she'll magically wake up one day and be with you?" Sam let out a mocking laugh.
"Don't go there, Sam. I'm warning you. You're forgetting that you didn't follow master's orders either. You didn't even bother looking for other Heeds like her." "What's the point!? She was the only one with that power. At least I'm not betraying him." "That's not guaranteed, there COULD be others. But my point is, you disobeyed our master, and I know about it."
Sam sighed. "Okay, fine. Let's stop fighting. After all, we have no one else here." "Yeah... and don't worry, even if I do get caught, I won't say that you knew about her. I'll be the one who betrayed master, not you." "Jack..." "Well, I don't think he'll find out. Just... don't tell him... please."
Sam's tone softened. "Alright, I won't. But be careful, okay? Don't get us in trouble. Being his slave is bad enough, I don't want to suffer any more." Jack nodded, giving him a faint smile. Then, he sighed, whispering to himself, "Rest in peace.. It's the least I could give you. I won't let master or anyone else hurt you again, Cindy..."
Hospital
Meanwhile, Clara ran to her house along with Crystal and Daniel, her heart pounding in her chest. As soon as she reached the door, she knocked urgently. "Mom! WHERE ARE YOU?" she called out.
Tina opened the door quickly, letting them inside. "Mom, what happened to dad!?" "Calm down, Clara. I'll explain everything." Clara took a seat, doing her best to keep her composure. "Please... don't scare me. What's going on?"
"Clara... After lunch, he was napping beside me. Suddenly, he started coughing and vomiting blood... He passed out immediately. We tried everything- like spraying water on him, anything we could think of, to wake him up. But he didn't respond. He's at the hospital now... Even the doctors couldn't figure out what's wrong yet."
Clara swallowed hard. "But he's going to be okay... right?" Tina looked down, her expression heavy. "I asked the doctors the same thing. They couldn't say anything for sure... Apparently, it could be dangerous- but let's not jump to conclusions. I'm holding on to hope..."
"And why are you here, mom? Who's with dad?" "Your Uncle James is with him. He told me to stay here and look after you guys." "What do you mean, mom? We aren't little kids anymore. You should be there with him!"
"She's right," Karina spoke up, "Tina, we all should go to the hospital now. I can't just sit here when my brother-in-law is in danger. Don't you understand how serious this is? I'm so worried... Clara, Crystal, do you want to stay here, or go with us?"
"I'm definitely going," Clara replied, her tone firm. "Karina, do we really have to take them to the hospital? Let's leave them here." Suddenly, Karina's phone started ringing.
"Who is it?" Clara asked. "It's your Uncle James." Clara's eyes widened. She hadn't felt this nervous in a long time. Everyone sat frozen, waiting for whatever news was to come next, their thoughts spinning.
Tina requested, "Give me the phone, please. I need to know how he's doing..." Karina handed her the phone. "Hello, James? What's the situation there?" asked Tina. "John is still unconscious. The doctors said that... he was poisoned. They're trying their best to treat him."
Tina's eyes widened. "Poisoned...? What do you mean?" "Apparently... he drank some poisoned fruit juice. That's what they said after running a saliva test and some other tests. They found traces of the juice, along with a poisonous substance." "He's going to be fine, right?" Tina asked, her voice trembling.
With a sigh, James replied, "They didn’t confirm anything... because they still haven’t identified the exact poison. It didn’t match any of the known substances in their database." "THEN TAKE HIM TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL!"
"Tina, please calm down. This is the best hospital in the area. And the doctors here are the most qualified as well. If he can't be treated here, he can't be treated anywhere else." "I'm coming to see him right now," Tina said, her eyes filling with tears. An unknown poison? Not even knowing the extent of the risk? She couldn't take it anymore.
That evening, when all of them reached the hospital, John was lying on a bed unconscious. "What happened to my husband? Doctor, please... do something," Tina sobbed, watching John from outside the hospital room.
"Mrs. Grace, we're trying our best. Actually, there wasn't much damage in his body, and we don't really see... you know, death risks. So don't worry about that. But we don't know when he'll wake up. The poison we detected is pretty rare, but we'll detect it soon and cure him. We'll give our best. Have faith in us, ma'am."
After the doctor left, they sat in front of John's room, in silence. Then, Crystal spoke up, "How did Uncle John even drink the poison?" "Well, the doctors said it was mixed with some juice he recently had," said Karina.
Crystal gasped, looking at Clara. "Clara... didn't you..." "Wait- that's true," Tina spoke, her tone uncertain, "Clara, you prepared a glass of juice for him today, didn't you? Do you know anything?"
Clara swallowed hard, realizing what this could mean. "Mom... I have no idea." "Clara, be honest. Why did you take so long preparing it?" "I... don't know, mom." Clara's heart raced, she still couldn't remember what happened in those ten minutes.
"Did you leave the glass in the kitchen and go somewhere?" Clara shook her head, signaling 'no'. "Aunt Tina, even if she did so, who in this house would sneak into the kitchen and do something like that?" asked Crystal. "Well," Karina said coldly, glaring at Daniel, "There's only one outsider here."
"Karina! Stop blaming people with no proof," Tina defended him, "Daniel, please don't take it to the heart." Daniel nodded, "It's okay, Aunt Tina. It's not so unusual to doubt me in a situation like this. Let's just pray for Uncle John now."
A few days passed, but John still didn't wake up. Every single day felt like a test of their patience, especially for Clara and Tina. Even the doctors had started to worry- what kind of poison was it? How had they never heard of it before? And how could it keep John unconscious for so long?
One day, after midnight, Clara was sleeping in her room, while Tina was at the hospital, looking after John. Suddenly, Clara started coughing hard, her heart rate rising. Something made it really difficult for her to breath, all while she's still asleep.
Her chest tightened, and it felt like there wasn't enough air to breathe in. She could sense someone grabbing her throat tightly, trying to choke her- but the touch wasn't firm like that of a human.
She wasn't fully asleep anymore, but she couldn't wake up either- as if something was forcing her to keep her eyes shut. Then, eventually, she could feel those invisible hands roaming all over her body- making her feel helpless, suffocated and extremely uncomfortable.
"S-stop-" she thought to herself, while trying to process what's going on. It didn't take her long to realize it's the Heed, the one behind her previous scratch marks and every other difficulty. But there was nothing to do at that moment, since her whole body felt stuck. And this time, it felt genuinely impossible- unlike the kind of Heedism Marcus was talking about.
And then, she felt it- the invisible creature forcefully holding her down, leaving bruises and red marks on her waist, shoulders and chest- just like the scratch marks that appeared after Cindy entered their house.
Then, with an almost silent scream, Clara woke up, immediately sitting up in her bed, her whole body drenched in sweat. Out of breath, she just sat there, in silence. Her eyes spoke before she could say anything- tears began to gather slowly. She grabbed her dress in her fist, her grip tightening, while she looked down. She looked at herself in fear, disgust, anxiety- and so many other feelings she couldn't quite explain.
How could an invisible creature do something like that? Was it following Marcus's orders? She remembered that one line said by Marcus: "If you want to truly break someone, give them problems they can't explain to anyone."
It made sense in a way, because how could she explain to anyone that she was literally abused by a creature people didn't even believe existed anymore? She laid down again, pulling the blanket over herself, covering her entire body- hoping that would 'somehow' erase everything, or at least give her some kind of relief. She couldn't believe how someone would literally want a teenager to go through all that.
However, it didn't overwhelm her as much as it should've- because she was getting used to things like this. Not having control over herself, seeing things fall apart, breakdowns in the middle of the night- none of them were new to her anymore. In fact, everything had been going wrong since Cindy was gone.
Moreover, she had far worse things to worry about. She hadn't felt happiness again ever since her father had been hospitalized. Who knew when he'd wake up? Who knew what terrible news she might receive at any moment?
She couldn't get herself to care about anything else- knowing her father was fighting something even the doctors couldn't identify, knowing ANYTHING could happen to him at any time. But there was no denying that these twisted sufferings were slowly breaking something inside her, day by day, gradually taking away her will to live.
Poison
A few moments later, her head suddenly started to hurt. She sat up again, rubbing her forehead. And then, she started getting random flashbacks- things she didn't remember experiencing.
"Agh- where are these memories coming from? What am I-" She gasped. The memory she'd been tried to recall for DAYS- finally came back. That day, when she'd prepared the glass of juice for her father, she had picked up a small bottle of liquid and added it to the drink.
She couldn’t remember what had been going through her mind at the time, or why she had done it. She didn’t even recall where the bottle had come from. All she knew was that she had mixed something into her father’s drink- and she was remembering it now, ONLY NOW.
As soon as it came back to her, she rushed to the kitchen. She began searching everywhere- inside every drawer and in every corner of the kitchen. And then- her eyes fell on a small bottle, which looked exactly like the one from the flashback.
When she took the bottle in her hand, she saw a label on it: "Poison". It was written in a slightly unsual font, with no other details at all- unlike the products you'd find in a market or store. It's almost as if the word was there just for Clara to see, or to prove something.
What was it doing there? Who would've bought something like that? And why would Clara mix it into the juice she prepared for her father? Clara's hand started shaking, as she realized what had truly happened in those ten minutes.
"No... This can't be..." Clara dropped to the floor. "It happened... What I've always feared... came true. I'm the reason he's in the hospital. I'm the reason my mom's so broken now. I thought things couldn't get worse.. I thought I was a disappointment only when it came to school or helping out my family. But maybe... maybe I'm the one who's slowly destroying us. Maybe I'll end up hurting everyone else too..."
She let out a deep, frustrated sigh. Her usual non-chalance: "Things are already bad enough, so why should this surprise me?" - started to fade. The new information was the last straw. She sobbed, realizing she LITERALLY had no control over herself anymore.
Her mind, her body, her actions, her memories, her thoughts and feelings- it's like none of them belonged to her anymore. Like someone else was using her as a puppet, a toy- just to drain out every ounce of joy or hope she had left.
She didn't know how to love herself anymore. She wanted to hold on to hope, to stay positive, to pull herself together, and figure things out. But how could she, when every part of her heart screamed negativity? It was just like what Marcus had said about Kyle's enemy: "My Heed will make sure to keep him overwhelmed with self-hate, despair and confusion."
She knew this was probably all part of Marcus's plan. She wasn't stupid. But awareness itself wasn't always enough. There was nothing in her that wanted to try again. All she could think of- was the urge to just disappear, to leave all of this behind.
She didn't snap when the Heed had tortured her. Not when she was falling behind. Not even when she got the news about her father. But being the reason something terrible happened... that was worse than the terrible thing itself. And now, she just couldn't take it anymore.
She smashed the bottle on the table- loudly, but without breaking it. And then- she realized she'd just made a noise in the middle of the night. "Damn it, did I wake someone up?" she whispered, "Ugh- who even cares?"
"I have to distance myself from everyone.. I thought I could do something to protect this family... but none of that is possible if I'm still with them. What's the point of giving me this bare minimum control over myself if I'm going to act against my will anyway!? What's the point of making me aware and conscious... if I can't do anything good with it!?"
Her breathing quickened, and her throat started to ache, as she tried to stop herself from crying and screaming her lungs out. "The Heed inside me... if you're listening to this... then just end it all. Take away my consciousness... Take away this pathetic life... but please... don't make ME the reason for my father's condition. Don't make me hate myself for what you did. Don't turn me into a threat to my own family... I don't know how but please... just... set me free..."
The words escaped her throat, raw with pain. She knew she didn't ACTUALLY want those things. She knew she was being pathetic and illogical- but that didn't change the fact that she physically couldn't get herself to stop.
Before she could get up and leave the kitchen, someone appeared at the doorway. "Clara?" Hearing the voice, she immediately wiped her eyes, but it was no use. Her face gave it away. And even if no one else would understand... he did.
"Daniel...? What are you doing here?" She asked quietly, trying to sound casual. "I... heard sounds from the kitchen, so I thought I should check it out. Besides, I couldn't really sleep." "Why?" "I don't know. Thoughts, I guess."
"But Clara, what are you doing here? It's past midnight... And why are you on the floor?" He asked, leaning in slightly. Then, he reached out a hand. She hesitated for a second, but took it. As he helped her to her feet, her hand lingered in his, just a moment longer than necessary- the subtle warmth of his hand reminding her that she wasn't completely alone.
Then, he let go quickly, glancing away, suddenly unsure what to do next. Clara could've teased him, cracked a joke, tried to bring some lightness into the moment... but that spark wasn't in her anymore. She sighed, eyes dropping to the floor.
"Thanks... I'll go to my room.." she said quietly. "You didn't answer my question," Daniel said, stopping her gently. "Oh... well... I came to get some water, then I slipped on the floor. Tripping over nothing- how stupid of me," she forced a small laugh. "Anyways, I'm going to bed now. You should too," she said casually, hoping he wouldn't push further, or realize how broken she'd been feeling.
"Wait. Don't lie to me, Clara. If something's wrong, please... don't suffer alone. What happened?" "Don't push me, Daniel. Please... leave me alone," Clara replied, her voice barely above a whisper. Daniel really wanted to help, but he didn't want to make her uncomfortable either. As he considered dropping it for now, his gaze fell on the bottle on the table.
"Hold on- what's that, Clara? Why does it say 'poison'?" Clara's eyes widened. She turned to the bottle, frozen, not knowing what to say. She thought about lying, but what would be the point? She was just.... tired. Tired of everything. Daniel had made her forget about it for a moment, but the bottle of poison reminded her of how badly she wanted to just... give up.
"I poisoned my father's drink," she said coldly, her voice flat and emotionless. No tears. No anger. Just emptiness. She didn't have the energy to hide it anymore, or to come up with some secret plan to fight against whatever was happening to her. All she could think about was escaping this cycle of wrong decisions and guilt. Her thoughts raced: 'Maybe I should just do whatever comes to mind first. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the police arrested me and...'
"What!?" Daniel asked, visibly confused, "What are you talking about, Clara?" "You heard me, Daniel. I mixed that poison into the juice I prepared for him. I'm the reason he's been unconscious for days." "You... poisoned Uncle John? But... why?"
"I don't know, okay?" "How does that work, Clara!? Have you lost your mind?" "It's true. I think I should take this." Clara walked over to the table and picked up the bottle of poison.
"And? What are you going to do with it?" "I'll admit it to everyone. I'll submit this bottle to the police and confess what I've done." "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, CLARA? They'll arrest you! And why would you even do that to your father? What do you mean 'you don't know'!?"
"It doesn't matter, okay!? I attempted to murder my own father, and it's true. I don't deserve to roam around and pretend to be a victim. I'm going to call mom right now," Clara stepped towards her room, but Daniel grabbed her hand, pulling her back into the kitchen.
"That hurts!" "Shut up, Clara," Daniel snapped, "If you say one more crazy thing right now, I'll lock you in the kitchen and leave. Are you out of your mind!? You're going to confess to attempted murder without even knowing what's going on!? You KNOW you'd never do that. You KNOW there's a literal Heed inside you, causing you to lose control. You listened to the whole conversation between Marcus and his customer, about his twisted ways of torturing people. AND YOU'RE STILL GOING TO TAKE ALL THE BLAME ON YOURSELF AND MAKE RECKLESS DECISIONS!?"
Clara went silent, shocked by Daniel’s sudden outburst. She knew she was being ridiculous, and being soft wouldn't calm her down. She let out a sigh, letting it sink in. "You're right... I don't know what I was thinking..." Daniel sighed, his tone softening, "Clara, if you're overwhelmed, tell me what's wrong. But I won't let you do something that ruins your entire life. Now come on, take a seat." He led her to the dining room and sat beside her.
"Clara, what happened that day? Tell me the truth." "Well... I zoned out while making the juice for him, and I didn't know what happened in those few minutes. And today... the memory came back out of nowhere. I had mixed this liquid into the glass of juice. I don't know where this bottle of liquid came from or why I'd do anything like that but..."
"Are you sure that's what happened? Maybe the Heed is making up scenarios in your head, just to mislead you." "But it's true that the juice had an unusual poison in it. The doctors confirmed it. And I wouldn't have found this in the kitchen if it was just an illusion."
"That makes sense, I guess. But Clara, you didn't consciously do anything. Why on earth are you beating yourself up!?" "Because it still happened, Daniel. I poisoned him... with these hands. Maybe that's not my fault, but I remember how something felt off that day- that I couldn't recall what happened when I zoned out. And I still carelessly gave him that drink..."
"Yeah... I mean, it's true that you could've been more cautious. But don't you know there's a Heed making you forget things, making you act differently and causing you to hate yourself? There's always an 'I could've done better'. That doesn't make everything your fault, just because you weren't careful enough. You didn't want any of this to happen, did you? You're NOT the criminal here. You know that deep down, don't you? Then what's all this about, Clara?"
"You're right. I just... I'm sick of everything, Daniel. I want this to end. This Heed is breaking me both physically and emotionally- and making me feel like everything's my fault, even though I know it's not. What I feel always betrays what I know. Even when I know it's not impossible, everything in me wants to believe it's hopeless."
She looked down, trying to find the right words, "My head gets filled with depressive thoughts before I can even process the problems or think about the solutions. It's like someone else took control of my brain and makes me feel ONLY what'll stop me from doing what's important. And the worst part is... I fall for it every single time. It's like I... don't even want to get better. If I did, why would I still listen to the stupid Heed's whispers?"
"Because that's how Heedism works, Clara. Marcus... I don't even know why that man would go after you, but I'm sure this is one of his tricks. And the Heed was literally supposed to make you feel like this. You know that none of this is your fault, right?"
"Actually... I do remember what Marcus said, and that this is probably something like that. But, like I said... I get too overwhelmed to even think about that stuff. I'm... sorry... for coming up with such a reckless idea. I... wanted to give up. It was ridiculous."
"It's fine, Clara. Now don't start feeling guilty about THAT too. And I should be apologizing as well, for shouting at you like that." Clara smiled faintly. "You know, I would probably be getting interrogated by the police right now, if it weren't for your shouting. So, don't apologize. I actually wanted to thank you for stopping me."
Daniel smiled back. "Now stop blaming yourself, okay? Promise me you won't give up again." "I can't promise anything, you know. I don't even have full control over myself. It kind of sucks... That little girl who was so curious and brave... she's gone. Look at me now."
"Well... you sure were like that. Do you remember how you dragged me to Marcus's house for the first time? After I just gave you a hundred reasons not to?" He chuckled slightly, remembering how stubborn Clara had been that day. "Yeah... that was funny," Clara smiled.
"Funny? I was literally out of breath," Daniel rolled his eyes dramatically. "Don't act like you didn't get your revenge. You did the same thing to me the other day," Clara replied, her tone light and playful now. "Well, that's true. You know, I miss those good days, when Cindy was here- and we could do all those silly activities, play together, and have fun.."
"Me too..." Clara sighed, "I wish I could be myself again... I wish I hadn't lost interest in everything. Do you remember how excited I used to get whenever I learned anything about Heeds? Now I can't even do what's necessary, let alone chase my dreams. I don't even have a personality anymore... How could I, when everything I do isn't even my own choice? Maybe I would find the strength to keep going if I was confident enough..."
Daniel listened to her quietly, his heart aching as he remembered how much happier Clara used to be before all this. "Yes, I remember. I even think that your younger self would be thrilled to know Heeds are actually involved in your life. I mean, you were so excited when you learned that your great-grandfather was a Heed Expert."
"That's true, I was really interested, wasn't I? Call me crazy, but it might've actually been thrilling if I was directly fighting a Heed, figuring out their mystery, or doing something like an adventure. But there's nothing exciting about falling behind in life and turning into a disappointment without an explanation. Nothing thrilling about hating yourself for all your actions, believing you're just lazy. And most importantly, there's nothing exciting about turning into a threat to the ones you love.."
"I know... Heedism genuinely ruins a person, doesn't it? But what if I told you, you CAN fight the Heed that's inside you? It might be whispering things, or forcing you to hate yourself. But at the end of the day, you still have SOME control, don't you? They kept it so that you could blame yourself. But what if.. what if you used that to your advantage?"
"How? Daniel, if you make me think it's possible to fight back but I never did, won't that just make me feel worse?" "Clara... your first challenge would be to stop hating yourself. You don't have to start right away. You don't have to beat yourself up. Just... keep in mind that it's not hopeless, okay? We ARE going to find a way out of this. No matter how long it takes."
"Really...?" "Yes, Clara. Now, please, STOP thinking that there's no hope left. What did you even mean by 'giving up'? You know that 'just disappearing' isn't possible, right? And you knew you wouldn't go TOO far, if you know what I mean." "Yeah... I wouldn't LITERALLY try to end my life or anything... I guess I just wanted to do whatever I could think of, carelessly... Guess that's what happens when I'm overwhelmed."
"And so you decided to just... get yourself arrested?" "Now that I think about it, that was... extremely stupid." Daniel chuckled slightly. "Yes, idiot. But you didn't do it, so just let it go, okay? Also, you said it'd be exciting if you were directly fighting a Heed or something, right? But you ARE fighting one, Clara. Maybe fighting doesn't always look like a battlefield with swords and blood. Sometimes it's this inner battle that no one can see, where you don't give up even when that Heed makes you hate yourself. That's YOUR fight- unique, difficult and brave."
Clara listened quietly, then looked at him in awe. How? How did he always find the right words? "I... I guess that's true. But you know, that dream... I think it's gone. I don't think I care where the Heeds are, or what happened a hundred years ago. I don't even care where Marcus got his power from. I just... I want my dad to heal. I want to be the real Clara again... And I want to stop disappointing everyone, Daniel..."
"I know you do," Daniel replied softly, "Also, I know you're still the same girl inside. I know that deep down, you still care. And trust me, everything WILL get better. You just have to... try." "But what if I don't, Daniel? Sometimes I feel like I just want to stop living like this..."
"Clara, I know this might sound harsh, but do you really have a choice? Even when it feels impossible, you still have a part to play. We all do. Think about it: when you get into a car, you trust the driver with your life, right? Or when you buy food- you could've doubted that someone poisoned it, but you trusted that the people behind the counter were doing their jobs. Things work out in this world because we trust each other, Clara. You can take a break, you can be imperfect- but stepping away from your responsibilities or actually giving up... it was never a real option. So please, stop considering it."
Then, he thought to himself: "Wow, when did I become a motivational speaker? Huh, guess she really knows how to bring out new, unexpected sides of me." He wasn’t sure why, but every time Clara broke down, he’d get this desperate urge to help, which always seemed to bring the right words to his lips.
Clara stayed silent, letting his words sink in. She knew he had a point. "You're really not gonna let me give up, are you?" "Nope," he replied, crossing his arms. "Well, I guess I don't have a choice then," she offered him a faint smile.
"So, promise me you'll try to stop hating yourself, okay?" "I'll try... But it's much harder when everything's a mess, you know." "Yeah... I think it's easier to keep moving when it's just something you've always done, or when you keep getting validation from it. But making gradual changes, when you've already messed up before... without even knowing if it'll be worth it... that's a different kind of 'hard'."
"Exactly, Daniel. You just... get me." "Hmm?" "Yeah, also, I'm sorry for pushing you away earlier. I know you were just trying to help..." "Well, you clearly failed at that, so why apologize?" He chuckled, "Anyways, have you looked at the time? Let's go to our rooms. We should really sleep."
"But what are we going to do about this?" "Oh, the poison... We can't just show it to the police or the doctors, you know. People don't even believe in Heeds anymore, or know anything about Heedism- so it'll only make people point their fingers at you. I think we should find someone else- someone with knowledge of poisons or medicines, and have them investigate it secretly."
"Alright, that's a good idea." "And, don't even think about doing something reckless, okay? We all make mistakes. The real challenge is to accept all your imperfections and still move forward, you know. I just need you to be sane, and not fall for the Heed's tricks. And even if you do, don't beat yourself up, okay?" Clara nodded. "I'll try. Thank you... for everything. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't stopped me."
Before Daniel could leave, his gaze fell on her hand, noticing something that looked like a scar. "Clara? Are you hurt?" She looked at her hand and covered it with her sleeve. She wanted to lie, but she didn't feel the need to anymore.
"Well... that Heed is much worse than it seems, after all," she said quietly, remembering what happened earlier that night. "Wait, let me see. I think you need some medicine." "This is just a scar. Let it go." She started towards her room, thinking about how many others there were. "At least put some medicine on it, Clara."
She stopped, letting out a tired sigh. "Fine... I will. Happy now?" "Yes, and don't try to trick me. Good night, Clara." "Good night," she replied, heading to her room. Daniel sighed, knowing there were probably more scars, both physical and emotional- that he didn't know about. It broke him that he couldn't fix everything, but the fact that he'd actually helped her today- felt like a big achievement, for some reason.
The Real Enemy
The next day, around 9 o'clock at night, Tina called Clara. "Mom, is everything okay over there? How's dad doing?" "Nothing's changed, he's just lying there as usual," Tina sighed. "And what about you, mom? Are you eating properly and getting enough sleep?" "Yes, sweetie." "Don't lie, mom. Please take care of yourself too."
"Okay, Clara. Don't worry about me. I'm fine, really. By the way, don't forget to give your great-grandfather his weekly medicine today." "Oh, right! I will, mom. Take care." "You too," Tina replied, ending the call.
"Who was that?" Daniel asked. "It was my mom. She asked me to give great-grandpa his medicine." "Oh, alright then." "Uhm... wait. Daniel, can you..." "What is it, Clara?"
"Can you do it for me? You know what happened with the juice for my dad. I... don't want anything like that happening again." "Are you serious, Clara?" "Better safe than sorry," she replied. "Okay, fine. Which one is it?" Clara led him to another room and handed him the required medicines, then returned to her room.
While helping him take the medicines, Daniel kept muttering to himself, "I don't even know what's wrong with that guy. How could anyone be this heartless and twisted? There has to be SOME way to stop him. Marcus... if only I could ruin your life the way you ruin others'..."
As soon as Clara's great-grandfather heard Marcus's name, he started choking on the water. "Mr. Walter? Are you okay!?" Daniel panicked, "Damn it, what did I do wrong?" But in a few seconds, Walter was fine again, although he was still breathing fast.
Then, with visible effort, Walter slowly raised his hand, his whole body shaking. Daniel was shocked. The man who never moved an inch on his own was trying to tell him something. "What's wrong, Mr. Walter!?"
But then, Daniel noticed that Walter was pointing at the paper on his table. What did he mean? Was he asking for the paper? Without asking any more questions, he brought the paper and pen from the table. "Was this what you were asking for?"
Walter moved his finger. Daniel wasn't sure if it was a 'yes' or a 'no', but he positioned the pen in Walter's hand and the paper in front of him, ready for him to write if he could. And then, with shaky hands, Walter managed to draw a straight line, taking more than five minutes.
Daniel wasn't sure how long this would take, but he decided to wait. After all, Walter was really putting everything he had into this. Daniel was getting impatient, but this could be an opportunity for him to learn something important. He couldn't miss such a chance.
He kept glancing at the paper, but it was hard to understand what was being written. Finally, he realized that Walter had written the letter 'D', and clearly wasn't finished. Daniel sighed. This would probably take the whole night.
He carefully adjusted the paper in front of Walter, setting it against something stable. Then, leaving the light on, he stepped out of the room, allowing Walter to continue writing whatever message he needed to convey.
Just like that, hours passed. Walter kept writing, using up every last bit of energy he had left. Then, finally, morning came. Clara was doing her hair, but she realized her hair-clip was missing. "Where did it go? Ugh- probably got lost in this mess. I really need to clean my table," she sighed, then added, "Let me just borrow one from Aunt Karina for now."
When she stepped in front of Karina's door, she paused. Karina and James were talking inside, and she thought she heard her name. She knew spying was wrong, but she couldn't help her curiosity. She'd been like this since childhood.
"James, I'm starting to get really annoyed by Mr. Marcus's 'unique' ways of torture. Who asked for gradual suffering? Sometimes I wish they'd just be destroyed in the blink of an eye. I'm losing patience." "Calm down, Karina. You used to get excited about these 'unique' ways too. I mean, don't you enjoy watching Clara fall behind at school while Crystal finally gets to shine?"
"Yes, yes. But still... I went to Mr. Marcus's house the other day, to ask him to speed things up. But he just told me to wait longer. I'm starting to lose faith in him, you know. I mean, it was ME who found out about Cindy and managed to kill her, not him. He didn't even want to believe me. In fact, he was literally mad when I told him, who knows why. And what's the point of this stupid poison? Why is John still doing fine? What if they decide to put the National Service Reward under his name!?"
"They won't, Karina. Come on, he's literally hospitalized, with no chance of recovery. 'No death risks' is probably just what the doctor said to calm Tina down. I think it's good enough that he's unconscious all day."
"Well, I guess it's not so bad. But sometimes I don't even want to see their faces. I'm sick of pretending, James. I can't keep acting like I'm cool with everything anymore. Do you remember the disrespect, James? The discrimination from your father? Your brother's family has had all these advantages their whole lives. How long? How long are we going to stay like this? We're a part of this family too. Why do they get all the special treatment?"
"I know that better than you do, Karina. My father was never proud of me... Just because John was smarter... just because he was more successful, my dad treated me like I didn't even exist. Wasn't I his son too? I thought things might change when I got married but... you know, still the same."
"Exactly, James! I'm sick of watching them be the first priority every single time. I mean, why's the house under his name? Why's grandfather's bravery reward supposed to go to him? Why do we always feel like we're living here out of their mercy!? Your father might be gone, but the discrimination? It hasn't faded. Not one bit. They still think they're the kings and queens of this place, and we're just... bystanders."
"Yeah, but don't worry, our time will come too. In fact, it's knocking at our door. Soon, I'll get the National Service Reward, and then I'll get the house under my name too, somehow. Just be patient, Karina. They're already at their lowest." "Well, if you say so. And once they're finally out of our way, we'll kick out that annoying boy too. There's no point in sheltering the 'fake brother' of a Heed who's been standing in my way for six years."
Finishing the conversation, Karina suddenly opened the door to go outside. As soon as she saw Clara, she froze. "C-Clara? What are you doing here?" Clara, still in denial, hesitated, unsure whether to confront her or not. Maybe hiding the fact that she knew would be smarter for now.
"H-Hey, Aunt Karina. I just got here. Can you do me a favor?" "Sure, sweetheart. What is it?" "I can't find my hair-clip, can I borrow yours for a while?" "Well, I don't have a hair-clip right now, but here's a rubber band. Is that okay?" "Yeah, that's fine. But... Aunt Karina, where's the hair-clip I gave you with my first salary? You used to wear it all the time, but... I mean, I haven't seen it on you these last few days."
"Oh... the purple one? Uhm... I'm sorry, sweetheart. I think it fell off my hair when I went somewhere. But if I find it, I'll start wearing it again, okay?" "Alright, thanks for the rubber band." Clara turned to leave, offering a forced smile.
She shut the door behind her and sat on her bed, her mind spinning. Her heart raced while she struggled to process what she'd just heard. "This is insane... No... this has to be a dream. Aunt Karina? Uncle James? I thought of you as my close ones... my family... I wanted to protect to you both from the Heed inside me. I wanted to protect you from the Heedist that's after me. And you... YOU guys are the Heedists?"
She swallowed hard. Did her grandfather really discriminate between his sons like that? And even if he did- was it so bad that one of his sons wanted the other to die? Was it so bad that John and Karina would literally practice Heedism?
"No... I always blame myself for everything but... this isn't any of our fault. Aunt Karina and Uncle James... They betrayed us. I don't understand... What's the point of keeping their hatred a secret and making us go through hell, all while pretending to be saints? What's the point!? I still can't believe this. I... I can't..."
She stood up, pacing around her room restlessly. She remembered every single thing that had happened to her because of the Heed. The inability to act, the overwhelming guilt, the late-night trauma, the scratch marks, the insecurities, the hopelessness... she remembered it all.
The ones she loved so much, her own uncle and aunt- they KNEW these would happen to her, and still CHOSE to do it. They... wanted it. All for what? Money? The house? It all felt sickening. "What else do I have to see? Damn it, just... why?"
A few moments passed, as she just sat there, trying to process the betrayal from her own blood- the ones who were supposed to love and protect her. She wondered how all of this even happened. Then, slowly, she began putting the pieces together, figuring out WHEN it all began.
She thought about the symptoms of Heedism: the scratch marks, the headaches, the stomachaches, the inability to focus- they didn't START after Cindy had died. They just... resumed.
The first time these things happened to her was six years ago, right after Cindy and Daniel came to live with them. They didn't last long or get worse, thanks to Cindy's bitter drink. Cindy had been quietly fighting the Heed inside her, and so, Clara didn't have to worry about it for six years. But the symptoms came back, and got worse- after Cindy was gone. So, why did they start six years ago? How did the Heed get inside her?
Then, her eyes widened, as the realization hit. "That Tuesday night..." She thought about what they'd learned the first time they went to Marcus's house. Marcus used to bind his Heed with some kind of sweet food, and feeding it to the victim would get them possessed.
She muttered to herself, "It wasn't just the day Cindy and Daniel had come to this house. It was also the day we gathered for a bedtime story, and then... Aunt Karina made us eat that dessert she said she made herself..."
Her heart pounded in her chest, the information almost too much to handle. "I remember how I choked on it... I remember how she checked to make sure I had some... I remember how she gave me and Crystal separate bowls..."
"And that hair-clip I saw right beside Marcus's house... that could be Aunt Karina's. She came home late that day... and when dad asked, her reason did sound like an excuse. And today, she was telling Uncle James that she'd recently visited Marcus. Maybe it's the same day I'm thinking of. Damn it... I hadn't doubted her even once... And she just..."
She had really believed Aunt Karina made that dessert out of love, like any normal person would. The fact that someone could pretend to care so deeply while secretly planning your actual death, especially when they're family- disgusted Clara more than she could put into words.
"What now...? And how do Aunt Karina and Uncle James act so casual around us? Should I tell mom? She'll never believe it... and she's already going through so much... But I can't keep it to myself either. What should I-" She sighed. "I guess there's only one person I can tell," she murmured under her breath, "I should let Daniel know... who the real enemy is."
Meanwhile, Daniel entered Mr. Walter's room, to check what he had written. He found him asleep, with the pen still in his grip. "He really put everything he had into this... He could barely move. I can't believe he managed to write anything at all. I hope it's something helpful..." Daniel walked over to him, gently picking up the paper. It said:
"Daniel, bring me the red potion from Marcus's house. ALONE. Only you can."
[To Be Continued]